Tomorrow is the first meeting of R’s new group that he’s starting at school (blogged about here) and he is understandably nervous. But probably not as nervous as I am.
Since he was told he can go ahead and start it this term I’ve been fighting (and losing) the urge to control the outcome/s. Because I am his mom and I would hate to see him get disappointed if it doesn’t work. Even though disappointment is part of life blah blah.
He’s just been so brave to even have the idea, what if it’s a flop?
Will he never try something new and different again?
So I’ve (stupidly) been coaching him in what to say about it at assembly last week (it didn’t work, he said something entirely different to what I suggested) and making suggestions about how to attract kids to come and how to remind them it’s happening on the day as they may have forgotten since assembly last week, and making recommendations as to what music to play, and labelling all his CDs for the CD library (to discover afterwards he’d already done that – on the inside cover).
And the whole time in my mind I’ve been picturing him sitting alone in the designated classroom with no one coming at all, because to me that would be the worst case scenario, if I were in his place.(No, I didn’t tell him that’s what I’ve been thinking. But I have been trying to surreptitiously get him prepared ‘in case’ ).
So this morning as we drove to school he said he’s starting to feel nervous about tomorrow (gee I wonder if I’ve contributed to that with all my flapping?) and I asked him what would be his ‘worst case scenario’ imagining it would be the same as mine.
Instead he replied: “What if so many kids come and I can’t control them all?” Wow. The exact opposite.
The thing is I KNOW I have to let go of the outcome, and be there to praise him if it goes splendidly and hug him if it doesn’t. I already told him that whatever happens what he’s done so far is amazing and something to be proud of. But seriously it’s hard.
I thought it would get easier, this being a Mom lark, but it really doesn’t.