I love change because I love that we as human beings have the ability to change – how does that saying go? If you don’t like where you are, move – you’re not a tree. That. That is what makes being human extra-ordinary. Because people can decide in a moment, in a heartbeat, to choose a different end to their story. To step onto a less-travelled road. To throw caution to the wind and leap into something new, scary and exciting, with no guarantees. Even if the change itself takes weeks or years, the decision to do can happen instantly.
Change happened in my life the day the second line appeared in the window of the pregnancy test pee stick in my shaky hand. When I looked at the man in front of me, someone I didn’t really know, but suddenly found myself tied to, forever, by that little blue line. I like the fact that despite everything, in that moment, he smiled.
Change came when despite the fact we were not a couple, he was a big part of the pregnancy and at my side during the birth, and the first person to hold our boy. On that day the change happened in my heart – I fell in love twice. With my tiny, beautiful, prem baby and with his young, handsome, present father.
Then change came again when he met someone else and chose them, not me and our little boy. That change was hard. But harder was watching him become more and more involved in drugs, watching him change from a young healthy man into a skeletal speed junkie. But still the father of my child.
Then, another change – he became a father again, but not with me.
Change happened when after 7 years he was clean, employed, single – and asking me in a street in the middle of Cape Town, with tears running down his cheeks, to give him another chance. That he was a ‘changed’ man. And I said no and walked away.
But change happened in my heart over the next few years, as little by little, I allowed him to peel my fingers off it and let him hold it. He proved to me that people can change.
For 5 years we shared our lives.
And then the ultimate change happened. When I was 40, 14 years after that blue line appeared.
On Noordhoek beach.
With our son and my step daughter singing.
The wind blowing.
Our friends and family around us, loving us.
Surfers walking past and waving
Barefoot in the sand and with the waves crashing behind us,
We said yes to joining our lives.
That day the little blue line changed into a ring.
Not all change is easy; some of it is damned painful. But ultimately, change made four people into a beautiful, imperfectly perfect family that I wouldn’t change for the world.
Thanks to Cath Jenkin who wrote this #LoveChange piece here -> http://cathjenkin.wordpress.com/2014/10/14/lovechange/ and thereby encouraged me to write my own.